Attractive Englishwoman Marries Anglo-German Welfare Queen, Parents Disappointed

For her sake let's hope that he didn't also inherit his father's personality.

Today in England the intelligent and attractive daughter of successful entrepreneurial parents married a layabout who’s spent his whole life on the dole. Her parents were, in their own words, “vastly disappointed” in her choice of a mate.

Michael and Carole Middleton started out life working for British Airways before amassing a £30 million fortune as the founders of a successful company, Party Pieces. They had high hopes for all their children. Said Carole, “We came from good middle class stock. Michael and I have always believed in the values of hard work and thrift. We scrimped and saved to create Party Pieces, and even worked multiple jobs to make the business pay. We thought we’d raised our kids to have those same values.”

Added Michael, “We worked our arses off. We held on working for British Airways so that we wouldn’t need to take a paycheque from Party Pieces in the beginning. We thought all our kids shared that value, and now Katie’s marrying some bloody inbred kraut that’s spent his whole life on the fucking dole. How would you feel if your kid brought home a funny looking prat to be your son-in-law?”

When told that William had his own money Michael scoffed. “Bollocks, don’t believe a bloody word of it, if those bastards have so much money, why the fuck are we taxpayers supporting them with free housing and all the rest of it? Believe me, that blighter will be hitting me up for money to pay the cheque the first time he takes us out for dinner.”

Both of them said that they have higher hopes for their other two children. “Pippa has a better head on her shoulders, she won’t fall for any fancy talking donkey milker that doesn’t know the meaning of work.”